Ten Things I Hate About You : Revised!
by LilyandJamesLover
Summary: Revised version of the first Ten Things I Hate About You. With Lily and James, based on the movie.


_Hi all, I'm rewriting this story because...the first attempt was horrible. Completely horrible. I'm hoping this one is better, please let me know._

_-Mystery

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TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU 

Written by Mystery

Based on the movie 'Ten Things I Hate About You"

Chapter 1 – Reputation

"Did you change your hair?" Violet Evans, a beautiful 5th year, asked her friend April Star as she asked as she applied her lipstick in the girl's lavatory.

"No." April replied, looking at her friend

"You might want to think about it." Violet says, putting up her lipstick and walking out the lavatory.

April took a deep breath, clearing her face of the glare that had presented itself and following her out the bathroom.

"Hey Violet," Mike King said, smiling as she passed.

"Awesome shoes," A girl added as she walked past as well.

"Thanks!" Violet said.

"You do realize that you're wearing your uniform right, meaning your shoes are the same as everyone else's?" April said.

Violet shrugged, "Maybe they just look better on me."

* * *

In the Guidance Office, which will in later years be closed for obvious reasons that follow, Remus Lupin sat uncomfortably in front of a abnormally happy counselor.

"So, Remus Lupin, interesting name." Ms.Perky said, handing him his schedule and flipping through a few papers in his file. "I see you've moved quite a lot, your illness I assume?"

"Yes ma'am." Remus said, sitting up in his seat. "I was wondering why I was accepted—"

"That's enough." She said, surprising Remus. "Dumbledore will explain all that to you. Other than that I'm sure you won't find Hogwarts any different than your old schools. Same little asswipe shit for brains everywhere." She said, her plastic smile never leaving her face.

Remus's grey eyes filled with confusion.

"Excuse me…did you just say…am I in the right office?" He asked.

"Not anymore you're not, I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish." She indicated the parchment on her desk.

Remus glanced at it and caught the words 'she could feel his huge member pulsating.' He was beginning to wonder if he was in a parallel universe.

"Scoot." She said.

Not needing to be told twice Remus quickly exited the room, almost running into someone who looked like they could pulverize him in a second. He mumbled a quick apology and left.

"James Potter. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual." Miss Perky said to the good looking boy in the doorway.

"Only so we can have these moments together." He answered with a charming smile. "Shall I hit the lights?"

"So do you get a kick out of exposing yourself to 2nd year girls?" She asked, eyeing him.

"It was a bratwurst." He stated simply. "I was eating lunch."

"A bratwurst?" She asked, looking him up and down. "Aren't we the optimist?"

James laughed. "We don't have to be." He said with a smirk.

Ms. Perky rolled her eyes. "Next time, keep it in your pants. Now scoot!"

As James left the office she quickly scratched out a few lines on her parchment.

"…she could feel his huge bratwurst pulsing with desire…"

* * *

"Hi, Peter Pettigrew," Peter said as Remus walked out of Ms. Perky's office.

"So they tell me..." Remus said, sighing

"I'm supposed to show you around." Peter said. "So, Remus…" He read off a piece of parchment. "Ok, here's the survival guide."

They made their way down the corridor and outside. "Sadly Hogwarts is very cliché, so if you want to get out of here alive, you have to know the groups."

"Over there you've got your basic beautiful people. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother." He added.

"Is that your rule or theirs?" Remus asked, it was obvious Peter was not one to be accepted by any group dubbed 'the beautiful people'.

"Watch," Peter said, he gulped before stuttering, "H…hey there" to one of the group as they passed.

"Get squashed worm," one shouted at him.

"See?" He said, his face turning red with humiliation.

They approached a group huddled over various papers.

"Future business tycoons, businesses run by their high ranking families of course. Hey guys." As Peter approached the group covered their papers and glared at him.

"I use to be one of them." He said. "They loved me."

"What happened?" Remus asked, glancing back at the kids.

"John Kipe's parents own the motel type deal in Hogsmeade, he started a rumor that my parents had to borrow money to keep our business."

"So they kicked you out?"

"Hostile takeover, don't worry, I'm working on getting him back." Peter said unconvincingly. "Now over here —"

Remus suddenly sticks his arm out to stop Peter. Peter follows his gaze to Violet as she walks by.

"What group is she in?" Remus asks.

"The 'don't even think about it' group," Peter said. "That's Violet Evans, she's a 5th year."

"I burn, I pine, I perish…" Remus said, gazing after her dreamily.

"Of course you do." Peter said. "Now she's beautiful and deep, I'm sure." He said with a slight sarcastic tone.

Remus quickened his pace so he could overhear the girl's conversation.

"There's a difference between like and love." Violet was saying. "Because I like my Italian boots, but I love my new French perfume.

"But…I love my Italian boots." April said.

"Well..that's because you don't have French perfume." Violet stated

"Oh." April said as the two continued walking.

"Look, forget about it." Peter said as the two sat down on the grass. "She has an extremely uptight Father and it's a widely known fact the Evans's sisters aren't allowed to date."

"Why does it matter if she's here? Is he a teacher or something?" Remus asked.

"Slight unsolved mystery." Peter said, taking some chocolate out of his pocket and eating it. "He's a muggle doctor, which is some figment of a healer, and a botanist, which has something to do with herbology." Peter shrugged, obviously not seeing the connection. "He's been here since the beginning of the year, putting up some weird tree that I hear attacks you if you come near it."

"That sounds dangerous." Remus said, before he was worried about being a danger to the school, now he was more worried about the school being a danger to him.

Peter looked around before leaning his head in as not to be overheard. "I don't know, but if it's something that requires them to bring muggles in then it's got to be something illegal, mark my words."

Remus's eyes scanned the grounds hopefully for the short brunette as Peter was licking the melted chocolate off his pudgy fingers.

* * *

"So what did everyone think about 'The Sun Also Rises'?" Professor Smitt, a young African American wizard only in his second year of teaching asked the 7th year Muggle Studies class.

"I loved it, he's so romantic!" A blonde girl says dreamily.

"Romantic? Hemingway?" A red head in the front row turns and stares at the girl before looking back at Professor Smitt. "He was an abusive alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers."

"As opposed to a self-righteous hag who has no friends?" A handsome blonde boy asked, laughing with a few boys beside him.

"Good one Lucius, you showed that mudblood." One of them says.

"Pipe down Mr. Malfoy, and detention for you Mr. Goyle." Professor Smitt said, his voice loud.

"I guess in this society being male and an asshole makes you worth of our time." The red head said, glaring at Lucius. "Why can't we read someone like Sylvia Platt? Emily Dickinson?"

"Why do we have to read muggle writings at all, it's just a waste of time, like reading cavemen drawings."

"I'm sure you wouldn't be able to comprehend those either Malfoy, even figuring out what pictures on a wall mean would require more brain power then you posess."

The two glared at each other but further comments were saved by James rushing into the room.

"What did I miss?" He asked.

"The oppressive patriotic values that dictate our education." The red head said, obviously annoyed.

James paused for a second. "Good." He said, turning around the retreating back out the door.

"Hey!" Professor Smitt called, getting increasingly annoyed.

"Hey Professor, is there any way we could get Evans to take her 'PMS' potion before coming to class?" Lucius asked, making his friends laugh and the red head glare at him again.

"You know, one day you're going to get cursed to death and I'm not going to do a thing to stop it." Professor Smitt said. "And Lily, thank you for your point of view. I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years of upper-class suburban oppression. Must be tough. But the next time you storm the school governors with owls crusading for better lunch meat or whatever it is you white girls complain about, ask then why they can't buy a book written by a black man!"

"Anything else?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, go see Ms. Perky, you're pissing me off."

"What? Professor Smitt…"

"Out!"

Lily sighed aggervatedly and gathered her things. She made it a point to hit Lucius with her heavy bag on the way out.

* * *

"Consumed with desire Adrian removes her red…" Ms. Perky sighs, opening her eyes and scratching out lines on her parchment. "…crimson cape. At the sight of Reginald's stiff and…" She almost grows with frustration.

"What's another word for engorged?" She asked herself. "Swollen…turgid…"

"Tumescent?" Lily offered as she steps into the room.

"Perfect." Ms. Perky said, writing the word down. "So, I hear you were terrorizing Professor Smitt's class again

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action." Lily remarked.

"You mean like the way you expressed your opinion to Severus Snape?" She asked. "By the way his testicular retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."

"I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls." Lily said.

"The point is Lily… people perceive you as somewhat ..."

"Tempestuous?" She offered.

"'Heinous bitch' is the term used most often." Ms. Perky corrected.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"You might want to work on that."

Lily grabs her bag and stands, her plastic smile matching Ms. Perky's.

"As always thank you for your excellence guidance. I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member." She said, walking out the door.

"Quivering member…I like that." Ms. Perky says, grabbing her parchment.

* * *

"Virgin alert, your favorite." One of the guys says to Lucius Malfoy in the Great Hall says as Violet and April walk by.

"Looking good ladies." Lucius calls to them.

"Oh she's out of reach, even for you." Marice Goyal says, shaking his head.

"No one's out of reach for me." Lucius says with a glare.

"Want to put money on that?"

"Money I've got." Lucius stared after Violet. "This I'm going to do for fun."

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_That's all. Let me know what you think. -Mystery_


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